Prayers for the Last Year

For the first time in three years, returning to Grand Rapids this fall felt like coming home. There was a feeling of contentment, of returning to something that is good.

My first three years here didn’t feel that way. I felt disconnected from the city and the lifestyle of an over-committed student wore me thin. It took awhile to find people I connected with; there were a fair share of lonely days and wet-eyed counseling sessions.

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But despite the challenges life at Calvin has brought with, there is no place I would have rather spent the past three years. There is no other community I would rather struggle and learn and grow in during this season of life. Calvin is truly a remarkable place that thinks and cares deeply about this world. It is a community that is formative and challenging in the best ways possible. It has introduced me to some of the greatest people I know and it has shown me new ways of understanding, appreciating, and engaging with this world.

It has taken me three years to come to love Calvin and Grand Rapids, and now it’s starting to hit me that my time here is almost up.

I have incredible friends who will be moving across the country and world after we graduate. I have professors and mentors who have poured into my life and journeyed with me academically and relationally. These relationships are life-giving and I’m not ready to say goodbye.

2015 has been a difficult year marked by big questions and existential perplexity; leading to healthy growth, but also setbacks and regret. Still, I have hope for these next nine months. I’m living with beautiful people in a fun neighborhood. I’m taking interesting classes and doing meaningful work. I’m making time for myself to do the things that fill my soul. But more than anything, I feel a renewed desire to know God and that gives me more hope than I’ve felt in a long time.

So my prayer for this year is this:

May I continue to dwell in a place of thanksgiving, for what this place has done for me and the privilege it is to spend another year here. 

May I come to know and love Grand Rapids in a deeper, fuller way. 

May I invest in this place and be faithfully present here.

May I listen, care, embrace, and encourage those around me. 

May I love others well. 

May I continue to wrestle with the deep questions, but may I also find clarity and renewed faith. 

May I make the space to sit and talk and eat and laugh with the people who give this season of my life meaning. 

May I never glorify busy, but instead practice self-love and prioritize the relationships and activities that refresh my soul. 

May I not lose hope on the hard days. 

May I go to concerts and yoga and therapy and breweries and, finally, to church. 

When I fail at these things and many more, may I practice resurrection. 

And may I savor every conversation, every class, every moment, every breath – and find deep joy within that.