2013 was an interesting year that flew by faster than I can believe. It isn't a year I’m necessarily proud of, but amidst the mistakes I learned heaps about life, and I want to share my top learnings with you: Death is inevitable, so live fully I mean, obviously. But before 2013 I had never had anyone close to me die. My Grandma Phyllis suffered with Alzheimer’s for close to five years before she passed away in February. We knew her death was coming, and it was for the best since she was in pain, but it still shook me that she was actually gone. Just like that; breathing one moment and not the next. Seeing her lying in a casket forced me to realize that one day that will all be us; we will all lie in a casket one day. Our life is so, so short, and so, so fragile. I began to fear death, not for myself, but that I would lose those closest to me. And I still do, but facing death for the first time has challenged me to daily appreciate the people in my life and live in a meaningful, courageous way so that by the time I am lying in the ground I will have lived a full life, a life that isn't regretful of wasted years. Poverty is not a choice In March I co-led a service-learning spring break trip to Knoxville, TN where we volunteered with a rehabilitation center for girls age 13-18. Many of the girls had been court ordered to the agency because of drug or alcohol abuse. Our group was able to talk and hang out with the girls at meal times and in the evenings, and through those conversations my eyes were opened to the reality of poverty for so many here in the United States. These are the kids that are stereotyped, looked down upon, thrown away, ignored, and forgotten about. They are the fourteen-year-old moms, the raped, the young addicts, the abused, the runaways, the trafficked, the ones with mental illnesses, the statistics. They are the face of poverty in the U.S. Yet getting to know them not as statistics but as fellow sisters, and hearing their stories, broke my heart and suddenly I understood, and didn't blame them, for the choices they've made and how they have ended up. When your mom is in jail and you’ve never met your dad and you live with an abusive uncle in a crack house… do you expect anything but addiction, pregnancy, and eventual homelessness? The girls I met are products of the environment they were born into. I didn’t choose to be born into a stable, affluent home in the suburbs, but I was; and as a result, I’m now a college student with opportunities and dreams for the future. These girls were born into instability, and as a result they now have scars and a shaky future. Neither of us chose the lives we were given, but they have shaped the paths we are now on. It showed me that we can not judge those in poverty without first looking at their story. That whole “stop and smell the roses” thing has something to it 2013 sped by and was a blur simply because I didn't take the time to enjoy every day. Pathetically, I was often confused about what day, month, or even time of year it was. I was simply in survival mode, making it through the day’s activities without truly embracing or experiencing the moment; without taking the time to go to the apple orchard in the fall, or watch the snow as it fell, or stop and close my eyes and appreciate the sensation of the sun warming my skin in the summer. I was so focused on the details and the task at hand that I forgot to look up and remember why I’m doing all these things in the first place. I don’t want to live life this way. I want to live fully engaged, experiencing the seasons and little moments, not letting them pass me by without even realizing it. So naturally… Enjoying life should actually be a priority Overall, I didn't enjoy life in 2013. Particularly this past fall semester I was over-committed, and quite honestly, miserable. I had some great conversations with my philosophy professor and he helped me realize that God wants me to simply enjoy my life. This past year I lived for my goals, I lived for my to-do list (which, by the way, never ends), I lived for my academic achievements, and for my resume. Living this way left little time to connect with others, to invest in things of eternal value, to simply breathe and enjoy the beautiful life God has given me. I used to see relaxation and “enjoying-life --activities” as a waste of time, but now I see them as of the utmost importance. We get one life, it’s pretty short, and I’d rather not spend it "successful" by the world's standards but internally miserable. Our purpose is to live in relationship with God and others When I’m not fulfilling my purpose of being in a relationship with Christ, things get messy and ugly real quick. Time and time again I find myself trying to do things on my own strength… which explains why I have been weary, burdened, and depressed recently. I wasn't meant to walk through life alone, “save the world” alone, juggle these responsibilities alone… and yet I keep trying. When I’m loving God He enables me to do the things He has called me to. He keeps my passion alive, He carries my burdens, and He gives me strength to make it through the day with grace and joy. Beyond our relationship with God, being in relationships with others is also vital. It is through relationships and living in community that we are challenged and strengthened, and we become the best, most beautiful version of ourselves. Community is hard and relationships are difficult, painful, and uncomfortable at times, but so, so necessary. We learn to love others despite their flaws, and we are loved in return despite ours. This year I have also been realizing the importance of having relationships with those who are different than us, whether that is in terms of gender, age, nationality, ethnicity, beliefs, social status, etc. Diversity opens our eyes to new ideas, beliefs, cultures, ways of doing things, and worldviews. This diversity is necessary in order for us to reach our full potential and live the best life possible. I have experienced the richness that comes from having friends that are different in many ways from me, and it is truly a treasure. Development work is… hard The more I study international development, the more I realize how incredibly complex the conflicts and challenges in our world are. There are so many factors that contribute to poverty, to the failures of certain nations, and to the success of others. Our global society is ever changing and evolving, growing and improving for some, and becoming more difficult and painful for others. What I know is: We are deeply interconnected, our actions have consequences and impact those around the world; the world is deeply intricate and multifaceted and we may never fully understand the reality of situations, but regardless we must be diligent in learning what we can; we must be humble as we go about this work, not assuming we have all the answers and acknowledging our own brokenness; and ultimately, we are called to serve and love others. The doubts and questions I still have are: what is the most effective, meaningful, mutually beneficial way to serve others in every situation? What does loving others practically look like? What role can I play, if any, as a “white, privileged” woman from the U.S.? And how do I reconcile the great commission (reaching every nation for Christ) with development work? So in 2013, I learned a lot about what truly matters, what my priorities should be, and how to live a life in pursuit of meaning, beauty, and love. So here’s to 2014, a year I hope to:
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I spent the last two weeks of August traveling in England and the Netherlands. Having been the victim (and perpetrator) of over packing in the past, I was determined to pack as light as possible for this trip. The challenge was to travel as light as I could while still looking (clean) and fashionable for all those shameless travel photo-ops. I stayed in 6 different places over the course of two weeks, so I choose to bring a small hiking pack and a carry-on tote bag to maximize mobility. Here’s how I went from being the girl who brought a massive suitcase on a one week trip to the one who traveled two weeks in a backpack: The highlight of my summer has been being able to read whatever I want, whenever I want. During the school year I really miss reading for fun, and as an avid reader who consumes books like water, this summer has been a refreshing time to indulge in literary goodness! I can honestly say every book I read this summer was moving, thought-provoking, and challenging. Many of them I have listed under "Learn -> Read", but here's a quick run through:
High school is a time of growth and setbacks, laughter and pain, a time of making new friends and losing old ones, and for many, a time of heartbreak. At age 14 I was struggling and growing, wrestling with my faith and navigating insecurities and depression. At the time I was with someone who was also struggling in certain ways. Because we were both dealing with our own issues, our relationship was messy and colored with pain. Over the next four years I experienced a few highs and many lows, often correlated with the state of our relationship. The on-again, off-again relationship left me, quite simply, broken. Upon graduation I had it ingrained in me that I was worthless: Not worth, or worthy, or any love. The past two years have been a journey of healing, and a beautiful time of falling in love with myself, discovering my passions, and embracing this person God has created in me. In part through my experience in high school, I've developed a heart for all women who live with the pain men can so easily inflict. Although I have only experienced a sliver of the pain many women endure, I can still empathize and begin to understand the wounds they carry deep within. One night my mom and I watched the documentary Girl Rising, and were discussing the hardships women face, when I ended up sharing a bit of my story with her. As we were talking, she came up with the idea to take my past, the brokenness I experienced and still deal with, and to turn it into something beautiful; that beautiful thing would be this: sponsoring a girl in Romania. (My mom is awesome, isn't she?!) In lieu of my pain we would sponsor a girl, so that whenever I look back I will only see the joy and support I am able to offer a fellow sister. So we started sponsoring Emma, an 11 year old girl from Romania. I knew I wanted to sponsor a girl from Eastern Europe because it is a region often forgotten about in the fight against poverty. Europe especially suffers from human trafficking, as it has the highest levels of sex slavery in the world.* For example, in Moldova, a shocking 1 in 10 people are trafficked.** So when I saw Emma's picture on World Vision’s website, it stopped me in my tracks. Emma has a fire and a spark in her eyes that instantly drew me to her. I’m a very driven and motivated person, and I saw that drive in her eyes. Whatever dreams and ambitions she has, I believe that she will reach them. Having the ability to help her reach them is an honor. Bringing Emma into my life has already healed a piece of my soul; my story is now a part of her story, and her story is a part of mine. This part of my journey has shown me how truly the Lord turns our ashes into beauty and uses our brokenness for His good. We make decisions in life that we can't go back and change, decisions that sometimes we aren't even aware we're making. Decisions that have consequences and decisions we regret. The beautiful thing about walking with Christ is that when we give everything to Him, He takes our burdens and mistakes and transforms them into something new. He has redeemed my story and has created something beautiful out of it; something that will help Emma pursue her dreams and reach her potential, which is more then I could ever imagine or hope for. Investing in a child through sponsorship is a powerful way to make a difference in the world. If you want to talk more about sponsorship, contact me, or click here to sponsor a child through World Vision. "He has sent me... to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise *Source: Nefarious: Merchant of Souls
**Source: Sex Trafficking: Inside the Business of Modern Slavery by Siddharth Kara If I learned one thing in Cambodia, it’s that the Khmer love karaoke. I remember lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep despite the stifling heat, and hearing a medley of Khmer songs and Shania Twain drift in through the windows. One night in Phnom Penh our team visited a local karaoke bar. Unfortunately, prostitution frequently occurs at karaoke bars and women are often lined up at the entrance of the bar. At this bar, on the left were women dressed in formal wear that men in Cambodia would traditionally find attractive. On the right were women dressed in more revealing, “western” outfits. As men enter the bar they can choose a “companion” for the night. The woman will then accompany the customer for the night, doing whatever the man desires; Which is sometimes just a date, but is often more. While in Cambodia, we met some teens who work at karaoke bars like this one. All of them said they didn’t have contracts with their employers and complained that they were frequently forced to drink. They mentioned they are also often forced to do whatever the customers want because many of them carry weapons. When asked why they were working at the bar, all of them said they were working to help provide for their family. While at the karaoke bar, our team did a spirited rendition of “My Heart Will Go On.” Everyone just stared, in shock, confusion and embarrassment on our behalf; except for one man who was enthusiastically waving his arms in the air and cheering us on. It was a memorable and fun night, but also an eye opening and sobering one. Seeing girls my own age denied an education and subjected to abuse and ridicule was heart wrenching. I turn 20 on May 5th, and for my 20th birthday, my wish is hope for girls in Cambodia. I desire that they will be in an environment that enriches and encourages them. I hope for them to be loved, protected and cherished. Please consider donating to SHE Rescue, an organization we worked with in Cambodia. SHE is an aftercare home for girls who have been raped, sold and/or rescued out of the sex industry in Cambodia. SHE provides therapy, spiritual formation, a safe and loving family environment for these girls, the opportunity to go to school and the time to heal. Click here to donate. Every little bit helps. This weekend is the 2013 Faith and International Development Conference (FIDC) at Calvin College. It has been an absolute BLAST and I’ve loved every moment. I’m a student at Calvin, studying Intl. Development and Business, and I was on a committee to help organize the conference.
Today we ran a Fair Trade Fair, selling products from all over the world. It was a crazy, long day, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It is so invigorating to be at the FIDC and surrounded by people who passionately love God and this world. This is about 2 months overdue. An overview of my 6 week trip to Cambodia! Being a Light in Cambodia Our team of 14, plus 2 kids, jetted off to Cambodia for 6 incredible weeks. God spoke to us clearly about our mission in Cambodia, partly through the book of Haggai in the Bible. We were to go & rebuild temples (the people of God) in broken places. Keeping the focus on God, planting seeds & encouraging and blessing the people we met was the focus of our mission. It was so cool to hear God speak & see the things He spoke about actually happen! Our first ten days were spent in Phnom Penh. Some things we did:
With Precious Women we hosted an outreach party for women who work in the industry. (Most work in the night life to support their family, and aren’t there because they “want” to be.) We hung out, played games, cooked, painted nails, and just had fun. It’s rare they are in a safe environment, so it was huge to be able to simply bless and empower them, let them be girls and help them realize their value. Precious Women shared about the services they offer as a way out of the night life and our team shared a skit about Christ with them. They were really moved and it was seriously a blast spending time with them! Our second ten days were spent in Siem Reap. Before going to Siem Reap, God spoke to us that while there we would be teaching, involved in prison ministry and reaching people where they’re at. That’s exactly what we did. We helped a Pilipino missionary couple that ran these 3 ministries; teaching English at two schools, sharing testimonies and spending time with those in a drug rehab program at the local prison and participating in village ministry. Some of us also had the opportunity to paint a mural at one of the schools, which was a awesome experience! The last three weeks were back in Phnom Penh volunteering at She Rescue Home. She provides aftercare to girls age 5-16 who have been rescued out of sex trafficking. We did whatever they needed, including: stamping bags for their social enterprise, cleaning, leading daily devotions for the house moms and the girls, helping with homework, playing with the girls, encouraging the house moms and more! Seeing the girl’s genuine love for God and their joy, despite their circumstance, was truly remarkable. When we got to She, they had just received into their care a young girl. She had never met her father. Her mother was in jail and she was in the care of relatives. She begged in the tourist area of Phnom Penh until as late as 12pm some nights, which led to her being raped by other children. Her relatives began to pimp her out to tourists, until she was rescued and brought to She. To watch her adjust to life at She, open up to the other girls and accept Christ was beautiful. She’s blossoming. This is what the Gospel is all about: being a light in dark places, bringing freedom, justice & love, & God making all things new. Overall, Cambodia was an incredible trip. Our hearts were broken for the issue of sex trafficking in the country. However, we witnessed so much hope in Cambodia as well. There are countless individuals working to bring healing, opportunities, jobs and essentially life to women who have been exploited. In addition to Precious Women and She Rescue, Also check out Bloom Café, who employs women rescued out of sex trafficking, and Daughters of Cambodia. Thank you for being apart of my journey, and if you have any questions please send them my way! |
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